Never a dull moment

Kid Koala on the mic!

2010-07-19T20:01:00.000-07:00

It's been a minute or two (or a lot since I've not posted in awhile) but I thought I'd stop by. Things are going well and have been pretty busy in the last few months. I'm pretty sure that I was in my office much more than I was actually asleep in my bed but after all is said and done, I'm happy to have been working to finish it all. In the end, I got to see San Fransisco, was proud of work I was a part of, and learned how many patience I definitely don't have for ignorant people. All in all I would deem it success!

On a side note, I bought a new car that actually runs! *knocks on wood*

Pretty much a steal, I bought a 2007 VW rabbit with 13,xxx miles. An old couple owned it before me and they wanted to get something new because apparently the doors were too heavy for them. I love the car, it's totally something new and exciting for me and I can actually have something that makes me excited to be in. Of course I've already begun to look at wheels and whatnot but as Tom keeps reminding me..'Lower it, then wheels.' I just figure if I get the wheels now or soon after, I'll have ambition to actually do something to this car.

Last but not least, I will leave you with something I came across in the last few weeks that has allowed me to remain human and not want to kill everyone I come in contact with. (I think this is because once again I'm bored at work and can't sit still) It's fun websites like this (http://www.dearblankpleaseblank.com) that keep me sane. Corny entertainment strikes again!

Until next time,

Amdawg

Reality Check

2010-05-02T18:58:00.000-07:00

No surprises, please.

2010-01-27T11:40:00.000-08:00

As of lately, this is how I feel. Like an empty room, with no excitement or potential. Like no matter what, you're going to be there and if someone comes along to fill you then great. I feel like I've lost my "fun" factor and I don't know where I put it. I need more things to be positive than negative and I need more things to look forward to. I guess this is something I have to work on myself and make myself happy. I've tried helping others but somehow I always seem to fail in the end. I can't really understand what I'm supposed to do but for now, just wait it out.

You ever have one of those days when everything goes wrong? That's my day, everyday. I can never catch a break whether it's work, traffic, saying the right/wrong thing, picking the wrong check out line. You name it, it happens to me. I'm not sure why but I can't seem to catch that break. And let me tell you, it definitely builds up inside. And I tend to say things that I don't mean and I sometimes become selfish I guess, wanting others to understand that I have feelings too and they are easily hurt. But then again, people have other problems and why should I be the least of their worries. I'm just another girl in the world trying to "get in their way." I'm sorry if you feel this way and I'm sorry I've ruined your perfect day. But please excuse me while I try to get out the door before you.

Ignorance in human society is something I will never understand. Driving slow in the left lane, telling someone you heard them but you're really thinking about something else, claiming a title position but still unfulfilling the responsibilities. It just amazes me how much the American society is in a downward spiral from when I was younger.

I blame a lot of my emptiness on this. I think sometimes I'm just too nice of a person and I want to save the world. NOTE TO SELF: "YOU'RE NEVER GOING TO SAVE THE WORLD." I need to start taking control of things I can change and doing so. I need to stop depending on others to get me through my days and just inspire myself to do better. Sometimes I think I let other people get a hold of me and that's why I feel alone. If they don't pay attention to me, I think I did something wrong and the situation needs to be fixed. As I'm starting to realize, a lot of the times this is not the case. They need to sort out whatever is on their plate before they can get to me. I just need to keep up the positive, independent mindset as should everyone who feels alone and do something that makes you happy. I work out because it makes me feel the best about myself and my daily routines. I like to have just my time and do things that make me, me. I'm not being selfish by making myself healthier. I think I just need to get my groove back and I think I'll be ok. I've always bounced back, just need a little something to help me through.

INDEPENDENT WOMAN, thanks Beyonce.

-Amy.

"I don't know, Google it.."

2010-01-04T08:43:00.000-08:00

So I was listening to the radio on my way to work this morning and realized they made a valid point. What would anyone do without a cell phone or the internet? I mean seriously, I think some people would be completely lost. You wouldn't be able to update your Facebook status or send funny emails to one another. Better yet, you wouldn't be able to Google anything to find out if that rash is contagious or how tall the Empire State building really is. People would actually have to use the Dewey Decimal System to find books in a library for their answers! I think the idea of Google is even bigger than we know, in fact I know it is.

To think of all the time wrapped into the internet rather than spending time with people I care about or learning new things on my own.. sheesh, it's probably years. However, since I have the internet available all day everyday, I will continue to search what I can and read ridiculous updates by people I hardly know. What else is there to do ;-)

Definitely ready to get to some warmer weather soon too. Time to start planning 2010 vacations!

Anyway.. Happy New Year, only 6 more months until Shark Week!

xoxo,

Amy

For auld lang syne, my dear.

2009-12-01T07:05:00.000-08:00

Well, it's that time of year again. My birthday is a week away, Christmas not far behind, and another year is coming to a close. I feel a lot different about this one though. This year I don't feel sorry for things that happen in the past and I don't feel like I have to make myself someone new all over again. I'm happy and for the first time in my life, there is nothing I would change about it.

I've learned a lot about myself this year. I guess mostly that I'm growing up and I can't stop it, no matter how much I try. Of course, I'm still child-hearted and very full of spirit. 'Young at heart' if you dare. It's just different now because I know I have responsibilities that need to be taken care of before I can play. And I'm ok with it. It's the strangest thing because I thought it would take years to say that but it's a part of learning how to live and being your own person. Funny enough, I guess I always dreamed of doing everything on my own and becoming this fairytale movie character or something. I always pictured a very quaint little apartment, very modern, overlooking a charming city whether day or night. And although right now that has not happened as I pictured it for the last few years of my life, it's perfectly fine because I would not change where I am and how far I have come. To graduate college, find a job in my field 3 months after graduation, and be comfortable; those are the most important accomplishments of my life and to me. I paid for my own lasik eye surgery in less than a year. I've been able to afford repairs on my car and not had to take a loan, etc. It's a terrific feeling to know how much you've accomplished in a short period of time.

I've learned that family means more to me now than it ever did and I wish that I could have seen that a few years ago. Of course you always miss people you lose but there is nothing you can do about it and you can't bring them back. But what if for one day, just a few hours, you could? I would spill my heart in endless love and let them know how much they mean. How much they have helped shaped me into the woman I have become and will continue to be. Just a few hours would be nice..

I've also learned what it's like to be in love versus being infactuated with someone. To have compassion for someone and to feel their needs more than your own. To be able to put that person ahead of all your worries and woes. To smile and know that even though you've had a misunderstanding or disagreement, you both want to be there for each other and want to fight to make such a good thing work. I've had my share of heartbreak and I can tell you, it's hard for me to let someone in. To let down those walls and see what it's like to have someone just tear you apart- not on the top 10 list of my favorite things. I guess when you hit enough potholes in your life, eventually you will find that paved road and won't have to worry about that any more. You can breathe and live knowing someone truly cares about your feelings more than they can explain. I would not give up the world for this type of bond and I'm so lucky to have finally had something so special walk into my life. <3 Of course, I've watched my friends grow up and grow apart, but that's life. Everyone has their own destiny and some you can be a part of from beginning to end. Others you have to let them take the steps on their own and watch them grow from afar. It's something I've always been very intrigued by but it's just what happens. No one can control it, there are certain things that make certain people happier and others have a different opinion. No matter what, your true friends always come around and will be there in the end, hands down.

I guess there are other things I could go on and rant about but nothing else is really all that important to me right now. Teo Leo, Philadelphia, Boofrannn, and a day off tomorrow. I'm estatic!

Well, until the next thought-

xoxo,
Amdawg

Unforgettable..

2009-11-05T09:24:00.000-08:00

"..That's why, darling, it's incredible
That someone so unforgettable
Thinks that I am unforgettable too.."

Until the next thought-

Amdawg

Strange Dreams

2009-10-29T08:58:00.000-07:00

So last night I had one of the strangest dreams I've had in a very long time. I was in a hotel with my old art teacher from grade school and a girl I barely talked to in high school. The art teacher was some sort of elder to me (don't ask me how) and the girl that was there kept pushing my buttons (I think she was a cousin or something, even though we're not even close to being related). So she starts hiding my things and making a mess of my life. I ended up taking action and beating her up. Now I am in now way a violent person so it was more like slapping until she coward in the corner. She apologized and I left the room, very upset with what I had done and the situation overall. According to a dream interpretation;

"To see violence in your dream, indicates unexpressed anger or rage. You need more discipline in your life. If you enjoy the violence, then it points to your aggressive tendencies. The dream may also reflect repressed memories of child abuse. In particular, to dream of violence to yourself, represents self punishment and guilt. You may be feeling helpless or vulnerable in some area of your life. Violence toward others in your dream, suggests that you may be fighting or struggling against aspects of your own Self. "

Next I somehow ended up meeting up with Roy who gave me some kind of drink that gave me this flying squirrel super power. I could run about 20 ft and then jump in the air and glide all over the place. I end up doing this all over what appears to be a SUPER tall Atlantic City or something similar with casinos, parking garages full to the max, and people everywhere enjoying everyday life. I finally end up back on top of the over looking mountain and want to try to glide over the city once more. Just as I run and jump over the cliff, my powers are gone. I'm falling at a speed that I can no longer control and need something to grab onto. I start to reach for buildings to hang from and nothing is working. Finally, I end up grabbing onto a ledge and just like Jenga, the buildings begin to fall. There is nothing I can do but watch the debris engulf the city and destroy all the beautiful sights. I let go of the ledge as soon as all of this takes place and hope for the best. I end up safely on the ground somehow and get inside as soon as I can to take cover. According to a dream interpretation;

"As with most common dream themes, falling is an indication of insecurities, instabilities, and anxieties. You are feeling overwhelmed and out of control in some situation in your waking life. This may reflect the way you feel in your relationship or in your work environment. You have lost your foothold and can not hang on or keep up with the hustle and bustle of daily life. When you fall, there is nothing that you can hold on to. You more or less are forced toward this downward motion without any control. This lost of control may parallel a waking situation in your life. Falling dreams also often reflect a sense of failure or inferiority in some circumstance or situation. It may be the fear of failing in your job/school, loss of status, or failure in love. You feel shameful and lack a sense of pride. You are unable to keep up with the status quo or that you don't measure up."

This could possibly explain why I don't know what to do when I'm falling but hope for the best. It's always strange to me how this kind of stuff relates and always hits home on my end. However, the dream continues.. I end up watching cars be smashed by falling pillars and people running for cover, I end up safely inside a building on some floor that there are two elevator doors. I'm not sure how I end up going from the ground when I fell to this floor about 3 or 4 stories up. Anyway, the elevators are taking way too long for my liking so I attempt to use the stairs to get to the bottom. I open the door and start to descend a spiral staircase and come to a flat landing. I'm afraid I've come to the end of the stairs and they do not lead anywhere. I don't know where to go but as I look around, a cleaning crew helps me discover an almost vertical staircase with handles I must use to carefully get down the stairs. Of course, it's very hard to understand the people who are telling me how to get down because of the cultural barrier. According to a dream interpretation;

"To dream that you are walking down a flight of stairs, represents your repressed thoughts. It suggests that you are going into your unconscious. It also refers to setbacks that you will experience in your life. If you are afraid of going down the stairs, then it suggests that you are afraid to confront your repressed emotions and thoughts. Is there something from your past that you are not acknowledging. To see spiral or winding stairs, signify growth and/or rebirth."

I do get down the stairs and go through another door only to come out to some kind of space with a gate like the ones at the mall and it is slightly open at the bottom, just enough for me to get out through. After this, I appear to be driving in a car with two girls that would have never even associate with each other in high school (different than the girl before) and they were drinking some sort of drink that appears to be liquor. Now, I do not drink and drive nor would I get in a car with people drinking hard alcohol behind the wheel but I take part in drinking the drink. I can't remember for the life of me what it was called but I know it was in a smoked glass bottle that reminded me of an upside down octopus. It was delicious and I instantly forgot about all the problems that were going on with the destruction of the city. About 10 seconds after my first taste, I remembered that someone was looking for me because of all the mess I caused. According to a dream interpretation;

"To dream that you are consuming alcohol in excess, signifies feelings of inadequacy, worries, regrets and fears of being discovered for who you really are. You are using alcohol as a way to escape or as an excuse for something you did."

And then, I woke up. I made Tom hug me because I was so confused and scared and just indifferent to the feelings I just been exposed to. It was so surreal..

I'm not exactly sure how all these things fit together but it looks like I have a lot of things going on in my life that I need to approach strongly to clear up. I'm not normally one to be scared of taking chances and normally I like new situations with new excitement. I think a lot of this has to do with my thoughts about work and moving closer to home. But at the same time, this is a great job when it's busy. There is also an opportunity for me to grow here as long as I keep learning. However it would be amazing to not have to waste so much time on my commute to and from work each week. Also, I think it has a lot to do with me growing as a person. I'm not really afraid to make my own decisions but I think as I get older, I have more opportunity for a really big failure by wrong decisions. And I can't stand failing. It's the most important thing in the world to be to always be a little better than you can be. I know that probably sounds absurd but it's true. I am very independent also and to have someone in my life that I can depend on is something new. At times I question the 'what ifs' but you can't live that way. Apparently a negative state of mind ends up in dreams like this. And if I don't make decisions now and at least try out new situations, I never know how they end up.

Well, I'm going to recollect my thoughts and process what my next steps are. Wish me luck!

Until the next thought-
Amdawg, xoxo

2009-10-27T12:33:00.000-07:00

2009-10-27T07:34:00.000-07:00

"That's the secret to life... replace one worry with another..."

-CharlieBrown

All the world's a stage

2009-10-05T06:53:00.001-07:00

Recently I've been on this kick of wondering why certain people come into your life at a certain time and why some become closer than others, some only stay for a little while, and some you develop strong feelings for. And what about those people who you had feelings for, things went sour so you went your own ways, and now you don't even feel nearly half of what you did for them? It's really strange to me.

It's funny how infatuation works and how you can involve yourself in someone's life just the same as they can do to you. You spend a lot of time together and you start to really enjoy that other person's company. But what if one person gets bored or feels the relationship become stale? What if one person decides to fulfill their life dreams and needs to move on to accomplish them? A lot of people have a hard time letting go a little and deciding that what's best for them is what's best for you. There is a reason this happens and people need to open up to the possibilities of why.

I guess I'm guilty of this as well, always blaming myself for the other person being unhappy or asking myself over and over again what I did wrong. Everyone is guilty of this at one time or another in their lives because we all get attached. No matter how much we want to deny that our partners moving on or making their lives better doesn't bother us one bit.. it does. Some people can hide those feelings pretty well. I myself have gotten better at letting things go and not letting this hurt as much as it used to. I still feel vulnerable at times because I've put everything on the line that I've got and within an instant it could be shut down. I could be turned back to ice cold and back to where I started. It's really hard for me to open up so much to let someone see my soft side and for the trust to begin to build in a relationship. But you know what? Life is too short to not trust people you fall for and people you want to depend on. If you never get hurt, you'll never get out alive.

When you get older and really care for someone, you don't pick at the tiny details to force them to change to what your dream partner may be. Infatuation starts to trail off and you really know what you look for in someone to love and someone to love you back. You want to be happy pleasing them and taking caring of them. You feel like they could almost be family. You love them for who they are and how they make you feel. When you find that one person that you can trust and confide it, you don't have to feel like empty or neglected or wrong-doing for having feelings for them whatsoever. Maybe a feeling or two here and there because you do care but that person is never judging of you. If you have that open and honest relationship, then they shouldn't have to even think about judging. When someone appreciates you, it really makes the world a different place.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Mondays are hands down my least favorite days. Ughh.

Until the next thought-

xoxo,
Amdawg

Nothing can bring me down

2009-09-24T13:07:00.000-07:00

So I'm probably a hypocrite but atleast I admit it. There are just certain things that can lift my spirits and I get out of the negative. Funky jams, weekend vacations, and corny jokes.. I'm set! Now I just need to escape New Jersey as soon as possible.

The Bristol Stomp.. epic!

Until the next thought-

xoxo
Amdawg

Something's gotta give

2009-09-22T11:45:00.000-07:00

It's been a minute since I capture my thoughts here but I guess I haven't had much free time. Plus, whenever I have free time anymore I just think about negative thoughts. I've tried so hard over the last few months to remain positive and not take anything to heart. But my god, is that a lot harder than it sounds.

Maybe doing more of this -->

Nah, but for real. There are times I still think about what would have happened if I finished my "dream" of becoming so accomplished and moved out west or completely changed my life. I wonder if I really would have been much happier. Of course right now I still feel stuck and extremely anxious for something to come through but I know I have to do the searching. Opportunities that can't be turned down just don't lurk around the corner. There's a lot of investigating and networking that's involved. I personally would settle for a long vacation with good company and a decent location right now. I'm only 23 years old and I have the rest of my life to work. I think that's another reason why a lot of negative things run through my head. I'm one to finish the job, all the way through (in most cases), to make sure it's to it's 110% fullest. I cannot stand to work with people who don't think the same way. People who have been in this way longer than I have and can't make a copy when the machine is closer to them than me. I'm just really tired of being used, so to speak, since I know there are things I am WAYYYY more capable of doing. I don't have the responsibility here and that definitely kills me. It burdens my personality because I don't have the full potential to express myself and my ideas. I think it's really time to decide what to do.

I'll have my LASIK surgery paid off at the end of this year and it's definitely an accomplishment. Maybe I'll start looking for something or maybe I'll just really decide on it and go back to school. The whole thing is up to me but of course, I'm the great procrastinator. Ugh, the cycle!

Need another good trip soon. I've been trying to plan a trip to Portland with Tom but tickets are outrageously expensive right now for a weekend trip. I signed up through BING to get alerts but the price is still high so I'm holding out. We're actually going to start making a list of things to do because we both want to do a shit-ton but can never think of it off the top of our heads.

So if you haven't seen this site (http://stuffwhitepeoplelike.com/2009), please take a minute to laugh about something. I was shown this site about a year ago and it never seises to amuse me.

H2O coming up this weekend. This is something I've been looking forward to since the day I left last year. OCMD, VWs, boyfriend, good company, beers, and laughs. What more could a girl ask for?

Until the next thought-

xoxo
Amdawg

2009-09-08T09:52:00.000-07:00

I decided to 'stumble' today because I had a few free minutes at work for once. It's been a ridiculous August/September for me and I don't know how I've gotten through the blunt of it.

The words you love to hate

2009-08-19T10:36:00.000-07:00

Funny how our society works. Just some food for thought.

Until the next thought-
Amdawg, xoxo

V.A.G. Fair 2009

2009-08-10T09:11:00.001-07:00

2009-08-05T07:43:00.000-07:00

I am always wondering what other people are doing at the exact second that I'm doing something else. Like people in Michigan or someone in Austrailia. Not sure why but I always think they're doing something way cooler than me. And that's when I remember, 'Oh yeah they probably are because I'm stuck in a cubical, behind a desk, freezing.'

Things are pretty alright I guess, just need to find something that better suits my time. I really want to start looking for jobs to do with music but this economy is unraveling faster than I've ever seen and I can't afford to just get up and go. Actually, I probably could because I always like change. I like new things in my life and when they get old, I move on and find something else to take up that space. I feel like I'm not learning enough at my job anymore because people just assume I know how to do things. And then, when I give my imput, it's like talking to a wall.

On a more positive note, I spent $12 on a Wholefoods Salad yesterday! Most expensive lunch in awhile.

Need to get back in the gym routine for sure. I also think I need to talk to a therapist about my constant weight issue (which I'm starting to believe is a serious problem). I know I'll never be skinny but lately I never feel good about how I look. Maybe I just need a tan and I'll start to feel better. New goal- Get to the beach before the end of summer. I'm heading to Sea Isle next weekend so let's hope this happens :thumb up:

Also I've been having a problem with deciding what I want to eat which I'm sure isn't good for my diet. I'm thinking about going to see a nutritionist to get in some kind of eating habit. I'm sure that would help me be a little more positive as well.

Been thinking about moving out again. I'm tired of wasting two hours of each day just driving to and from work. It's really gotten old and I feel like if I lived somewhere closer that I would even feel better about the work environment overall. I guess saving more money would help so as soon as December comes around, I'll be better off. My LASIK surgery will have been paid off and I can start to look for something convenient.

So much for making sense, this post is utterly random but it's how my brain is working today..

Until the next thought-
Amdawg, xoxo

I adore Chicago. It is the pulse of America.

2009-07-30T07:32:00.000-07:00

And that's that.

Chicago came and went faster than I could blink my eyes but by God, did I enjoy every second of it. It's like a place that doesn't really exist until you're there, taking in all the sounds and smells and scenery you can. Of course, learning the city and the transportation and where to be and not be- really does happen.We didn't meet one person that wasn't helpful and honestly, it was such a pleasant experience. Tom even tried convincing me to stay permanently but things happen.

I just wrote this whole story about our adventure but I decided to erase it. I'm sure you don't really care what we did but you'd rather see what we did. I'll have pictures up as soon as I can, I just have to find a site to upload them to. Overall, it was one of the most life changing experiences I've had to date.

To know that there is such a great place out there and new opportunities really made me think about what I'm doing here. Of course, I'm in between two major cities with a lot to see, but it's nothing that fits my style. I need something more my speed and surprisingly enough, Chicago filled that void. I may start to really look into it and a lady I work with even offered to make a phone call out there for me. We'll see..

Back to reality for awhile I guess. I've recently realized how optimistic I actually am and how easy going is such a better lifestyle than always worrying. I mean of course, there are things that should be taken care of right away. But right now, I'm not stressed. I don't feel overwhelmed. I don't feel like I'm putting myself in any type of situation that would harm me emotionally or mentally. I'm probably the happiest I've been in a really long time and I'm in love with the idea. I'm so thankful for the people who have walked into my life and stayed around for awhile. I've really picked out the genuine ones that have influenced me in more than one way or another.

And I'm so thankful to finally be in a healthy, understanding, and respectful relationship. They don't come around all that often (if ever) and to find one that I feel 100% myself in is something else. Not in a million years did I ever think things like this really existed but when opportunity knocks, I say take the chance and live a little. If for some reason things change, it wasn't meant to be but don't regret it. If anything take as much as you can out of it and mold yourself. But for now, I'm enjoying the adventures :)

Well, another countdown will begin soon enough. Hopefully Portland, Oregon this fall and maybe Cali over Christmas break. What else am I going to do for a week off? (haha!)

Until the next though-

Amdawg, xoxo

"The ant is knowing and wise, but he doesn't know enough to take a vacation”

2009-07-21T08:18:00.000-07:00

So the big day is one hop, skip, and a jump away and.. very welcomed. A vacation is always a great time to just clear your head and see the living experience in a different light. Of course we always take things for granted so this is also a great opportunity to realize what we have accomplished as human beings. I'm personally excited to fly because I always find airports fascinating and love people watching. Plus the flight isn't all that long so it will be a little 'in flight entertainment.'

A little part of me is hoping that I fall in love with the city and end up staying. Of course, that's quite impossible because I have responsibilities here but it doesn't hurt to dream. And I guess it's not impossible, I just have priorities that I would have to sort before making such a rational decision. I've heard so many good things about the city though and about the great job opportunities there. I absolutely love the advertising industry because it's constantly changing, but just think about music for a minute. There are constantly changes in place for artists and production people. I would love to get my hands on some type of work that I would love waking up to do each day.. one day..

So this past weekend ended up skipping Waterfest and went on a Sunday Fun-day adventure. I'll have more pictures up after vacation because I have to set up a picture account. Here is a sneak peak of what I'm talking about though..

(always makes me smile)

On another note, I've been trying to center myself lately. I have been spending a lot of time thinking about what's next and I know it's hard to actually see that happening, but I think big things are in the works. I just need to keep my patience (which lately seem pretty thin so I'm stoked to get out of the area for a minute or four) and keep my head up.

Tried shrimp last night and actually liked it! I could never get over the texture, I always felt like I was eating rubber but this was actually good. It had almost the taste of chicken (yes, I do remember it) but with a spicy kick. Very good and recommended from someone who couldn't even stand to look at shrimp on the daily.

Bang Bang Shrimp, Bonefish Grill.

Well off to Chicago. I'm sure you'll be overwhelmed with stories next post. Ciao for now!

Until the next thought-

Amdawg, xo

Funky but fresh as always

2009-07-15T08:28:00.000-07:00

Half way through the week and one week until Chicago!

Bought a new camera yesterday that I'm going to test out this weekend at Waterfest. Should be a good show, I hear the part swap is decent although right now I don't need anything for my car.

MOGTG last night was a good turn out. Jim and Keith were drawing all over the place with a flashlight while the shutter was open. Some of the pictures came out pretty rad. Here's a glimpse, maybe more later..

Saw the movie 'Changeling' with Angelina Jolie the other night and it was a complete mind fcuk. I still can't believe it was based on a true story--> (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wineville_Chicken_Coop_Murders). Check out the trailer for some idea of what I'm talking about. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=57_t2BFZaK8)

Well until the next thought-

Amdawg, xo

"asdlkj"

2009-07-13T12:21:00.000-07:00

Once again the weekend has come and gone. *sigh*

It was definitely one of those weekends where you see the shifts in your life take place and you have to just take it one step at a time. I guess you can say I had sort of a 'mental short' this weekend and had something in my head much different for the turn out. Graduation party was Saturday which was alright until of course the rain came and changed the swing of things. It seems to always happen that way but I think there was a reason for it. And I've also decided that I need to stop exerting my patience. I need to keep myself in situations that make me happy and not put everyone I know ahead of me. When all of my really close friends are in relationships they tend to do just that but I however, even being in a relationship, try to stretch my neck to make everything perfect. Of course they care and they want to be included but they get sucked into being what I called "married" and forget that we're all still friends. What I'm saying is that I need to stop stressing over people's happiness when I can't change situations. I know it's going to take some work but I've already gotten better at letting things go.. I'm sure this will just be another bump in the road.

I woke up in a funk yesterday from the night before so I went for a long walk up at Jacobsburg State Park yesterday by myself to clear my head. It was a beautiful day and somehow I ended up in the middle of a large open field with what was seeming to overlook another mountain of the area. It was gorgeous and all at one time, I felt ok. I felt like things with work and love and life and relationships with whom ever are going to be ok. I have to keep up this positive mind set to not only keep myself strong but others around me.

[This is a picture of the field, the mountain is beyond the tree line.]

I also cleared my head and realized although I'm not doing a job right now that I absolutely love, I'm at least seeing what I know not to do again. Of course the position is great and I'm so glad to have a job. It's just not my passion right now and I think I'm too young to have this 9-5, Monday thru Friday lifestyle. I love being busy and working and being responsible, but at the same time I feel like I'm giving up on my youth all too quickly.

Chicago in 9 days! I can't wait to just take a break from reality and right now, something I need so much.

Work was crazy all day. I have a feeling it's going to be crazy all week and I'm actually ok with that. Guess I should wrap up for the day since I leave in 20.

Until the next thought-

Amdawg, xo

It's all about the little things

2009-07-10T06:49:00.000-07:00

"I think so Brain, but where are we going to find a monkey in a tu-tu at this hour?"

TGIF. Although, It's been a while since I've felt this refreshed on a Friday. I guess I've been really enjoying the weather and all the little things that come with it. It's been like fall nights lately and I absolutely LOVE it. I'm inside most of the day so I don't get to spend too much time in the warm air or sun. It's kind of a shame because I'm used to being tan and seeing the beach a few times a summer. It's already mid-July and I've yet to see it yet. Oh well, I guess soon enough.

Lately I've been noticing how everything that makes me happy is so much less than it takes for most people . Over looking a city and all the lights in a quite place, day lilies and their habit of sleeping at night, laughing at the most random things, having conversation that sound like a game of whisper down the alley, the rides home from work and just enjoying my iPod along for the ride, planning trips to places I've never seen and having someone be just, if not more excited than I am, eating shelled peanuts at work and telling people I'm at a baseball game, blueberries by the container, and of course the pig living in my house like a dog. I'm sure there are a lot more things but these are a few that come to mind most frequently. I also have been noticing myself and my ridiculous sense of humor in my daily thoughts. If only one could spend an entire day watching me and seeing how I act around myself.. OH LORD.

COUNTDOWN TO CHIGAGO: 12 DAYS! =D

Some of the things I'm looking forward to;

And of course there is more but I'm not planning much of anything. I think a trip with no boundaries and a positive outlook will make it that much better. I guess we'll see once it's said and done.

Well, I should probably do some work and get my day going. Graduation party this weekend for my very best friend. It will be a good time, just need some sleep before then. Enjoy your weekend!

Until the next thought-

Amdawg, xo

Great minds think differently

2009-07-09T08:43:00.000-07:00

So I'm not sure what made me decide to try this again but I think no matter what, it's going to be worth it. I need something to consume my mind during the day and a place to release my thoughts for my own good. XANGA and Live Journal are pretty dead so I might as well reside here.

I feel like a lot of things have changed for me since then anyway and I wouldn't mind starting fresh. I'm now 23 years old and I'm starting to really begin my 'life after college.' I know it's been a rough road moving back home and seeing how I have to evolve into this adult figure now but it's also been very interesting. My parents and I tend to get along a lot better now and even when I do spend some time at home, it's not dreadful. I like talking to them about a lot more than I used to because I think they get that I'm growing up but I'm more responsible now than ever. We've had our differences over the last year or so but I can see it gradually growing into a great relationship between the 3 of us.

I guess I can say that I'm proud of myself and where I am in life as of now. I have a full-time job in this extremely weak economy with great benefits and whatnot. I am still extremely independent and I want to do so much more but I've decided that the only way to do it right is in moderation. I guess something I'm talking about is moving out on my own. I'm going to do it, whether it be the next months or maybe a year or two but at this point there's no rush. Sometimes I feel like it would be too perfect and I wouldn't get to do some of the things I have been. Other times I feel like settling somewhere maybe closer to work or Philadelphia would be a mistake because I'm not sure this is where I want to be much longer. Whatever happens, I'm sure it'll be meant..

I've also become quite the traveler. Vegas this past March was amazing and I will be leaving for Chicago two weeks from yesterday for a long weekend. I want to see where I feel most vibrant and take those energies into consideration for the future. Really excited for this trip though because I've been told so many good things about the city. Plus, I won't be traveling alone this time so I'll be able to share the experience with someone I think will get just as much as I hope to out of it.

I know this seems long but I guess I feel like I should catch myself and people up on where I'm starting out. I've decided too that being more positive about a lot of things will help you get more from them. I used to get upset about the small details but I just realize it's not worth it. Enjoy your life and take what you can get because it doesn't always last. Enjoy the company of others and indulge yourself in people who you can learn from and feel like you will never stop learning from them.

Until the next thought-

Amdawg, xo

And on a side note.. I definitely feel like a hipster today and I'm not sure why. Maybe it's the choice of music at work but it makes me smile and laugh.